The Odyssey (2026) review

I'm not exactly a film critic, but I'm a filmmaker and a movie buff and a Greek mythology nerd. The very, very TL;DR of the following review: ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐  fantastic film, beautiful score, visually stunning, excellent pacing for a 3-hour movie.

The Odyssey was SO. GOOD. Every dudebro out there bitching about the "historical inaccuracy" is just one of those sheep who read a single annoyed blog post and decided to jump on the hater bandwagon. Yes, even the ones who have seen the movie by now. I'm not a True Historian™️, but I took two classes in ancient art where we had extensive units on ancient Greece studying the real statues, pottery, carvings, etc. I also took two Classics classes where I read a total of 14 unique ancient Greek and Roman plays, including the Stanley Lombardo translation of both The Iliad and The Odyssey. So my opinions have some formal education behind them.

And you know what? With the educational background I have, I don't know exactly what ancient Greek clothing or armor looked like. Neither, I can only assume, do any of the thousands of dudebros on the internet whining about the costumes in the film. Have these guys studied ancient frescoes, statues, and bits of armor? Have they read the original ancient Greek texts and seen the untranslated, unmodernized, unfiltered descriptions of armor or clothing? I can almost 100% guarantee that they haven't. So they can stfu about the armor. Agamemnon's gigantic black metal armor with the little spine going down the back of the neck looked fucking SICK, okay. I don't really care that it's nothing like what a real ancient Greek warrior king would have worn. Partially because this is a modern retelling/retranslation of the story, and Nolan and his creative team have every right to make the costumes look how they like. And partially because the Odyssey is FICTION. MYTH. Odysseus, Menelaus, Agamemnon, Sinod, et al were NEVER REAL PEOPLE. The idiots out there on the internet bitching about historical accuracy sound about as intelligent as someone in 1,000 years complaining about how a modern retelling of Marvel made Iron Man's suit a different color and shape. Who the hell cares, asshole?

Okay, complaints about the complainers done.

NONSPOILER REVIEW 

(I mean the following may slightly spoil the 3,000 year old story but not Nolan's adaptation specifically.)  

I really liked the casting. Would I love to see more Greeks or at least olive-skinned, curly-haired Mediterranean people in The Odyssey? Yeah. The idea of everyone important in ancient period pieces being fair-skinned is rather tired. But hell, everyone did a great job. At least everyone wasn't a pasty white British person. (I can't forgive 2004's Troy for that.) With the Greek kingdom's proximity to Africa, it is definitely plausible that Helen and Clytemnestra looked more like Lupita Nyongo than Diane Kruger or Charlize Theron. 

Sometimes the dialog was hard for me to hear. A few of the times Athena appeared to Odysseus, I was like wtf are they saying? There's just ocean waves in the background, I should be able to hear this. Not sure if that's my own auditory processing issues combined with the fact that I'm used to watching everything with subtitles, or if it's a common audio mixing issue for everyone, or maybe a little of both.

The music was stellar. It was almost never silent. I loved the tension created from the near constant drum beats and bassy sounds. It's a little reminiscent of The Dark Knight, with that... sound you always hear when the Joker is about to do something messed up. 

The 70mm IMAX was absolutely worth the 2 hour drive for me! Although, I admit, my eyes were probably drawn to the typical cinematic frame 90% of the time. Sometimes in the longer takes, especially with a lot of beautiful scenery in the background, I consciously looked to the top and bottom of the frame to enjoy the extra scenery. For a casual moviegoer who isn't a huge nerd like me, the more common digital IMAX projection at 1.90:1 aspect ratio is perfectly awesome. If you're not interested in spending anything extra and just want to go see it in regular digital widescreen projection, honestly, no judgment. I wanted to be part of history in seeing the first movie shot entirely in 70mm film projected in its true format, but I'm no film elitist - any modern aspect ratio is good. 

SPOILERS 

(Talking about Nolan's adaptation specifically)

I read a post from a Classicist who was helpfully sharing some of the finer details about the mythology that Nolan expects viewers to know. I can't remember everything from the post (I already knew it all said with nerd glasses not attitude) but one thing I do remember is actually something that was explicitly talked about in the movie A LOT. Zeus' law of treating strangers with kindness and hospitality, in case they're a god in disguise (called Xenia if ya wanna learn something!) is talked about MANY times. You really don't need to know what it is beforehand, lol. But that post was nice and if I find it again, I'll link it here. 

I was as surprised and disappointed as anyone familiar with the text that Odysseus didn't pull the Nobody trick on Polyphemus! I wonder why Nolan made that choice. The "It can talk?" "Do you talk to ants?" exchange was a bit funny, but man, losing that example of Odysseus being very cunning and then very hubristic and stupid was a bummer. For those unfamiliar: Polyphemus talks to Odysseus and his men in the cave. Odysseus says his name is Nobody, and so when they stab out Polyphemus' eye, he screams to the other Cyclopes that "Nobody is hurting me!" and the other Cyclopes are like "lol okay bro stfu then." But then as Odysseus and his men are sailing away, he shouts to Polyphemus "It was I, Odysseus of Ithaca, who tricked you!" and so Polyphemus is able to ask his father Poseidon to specifically punish Odysseus. Greece's smartest warrior, huh? 🙄😆 

I had absolutely no memory of the Laestrygonians. (Quite possibly because I've only been listening to female perspective retellings of the mythology lately, and there were no women in that scene 🤣) The whole time I was like "huh, is this scene a Nolan original? I'm surprised I didn't see people bitching about this scene." 🤣 

The moment right before the sirens' song when Eurylochus put the wax in his ears one ear at a time? And the audio in the left speakers got muffly, then the right speakers? I audibly gasped. Absolute chills. Fantastic sound mixing, 10/10 no notes. 

I'm so glad we didn't actually hear the sirens' songs. Odysseus' description of it dubbed over him writhing and crying was beautiful. I always interpreted the sirens as sexually tantalizing, basically the ancient mermaid version of a Victorian red light district lol. This description of them was brilliant and heartbreaking and I loved it.

Eurylochus telling Odysseus to pray to Poseidon and ask for forgiveness as their ship was getting destroyed made me laugh. Bro, you KNEW that killing any of Apollo's sacred cows would get you killed. (wasn't it Helios in the original? Geek moment I know, Apollo is the more well-known sun god so the change makes sense.) You KNOW that you're being punished for that action. YOU pray to Apollo and ask for forgiveness! Like yeah, Odysseus talked about defying the Gods A LOT and he did need to do some praying. But this storm, this moment, is on you and the rest of the men, not Odysseus, and you know it.

Robert Pattinson did a fantastic job of looking absolutely insane as Antinous toward the end of the film. You could see his world crumbling in front of him through his eyes and I was absolutely there for it.

I really like that Nolan chose to make Odysseus feel some kind of way about the consequences of his actions. It's been a while since I read the original - lately I've been reading feminist retellings from the perspective of the women in these stories - but I don't remember Odysseus feeling any remorse. Is the whole "you don't actually want to go home" revelation a part of the original text? If not, honestly, it's great that Nolan put it in there. Making Odysseus feel badly about his actions and the ramifications that followed, making him realize that the very act of tricking the Trojans and destroying their city through their "gift" was a violation of Zeus' law, and forcing him to deal with knowing the downfall of society as he knew it was partially his fault - DAYUM. That's the type of perspective offered in those female perspectives, written by authors like Madeline Miller and Jennifer Saint - not usually found in retellings coming from men. Odysseus is usually the Perfect Genius Amazing Brilliant Strong Brave Albeit Slightly Hubristic Hero, and seeing him feel doubt and remorse and confusion was honestly refreshing.

I saw one critique of the movie (from someone who'd actually seen it, at least!) that it was very much a rehashing of Nolan's previous films. I didn't really ask this person to clarify what they meant. But I've seen most of Nolan's films, and idk what this person is talking about. If it was his visual style, that's kind of the point of being a prolific director, no? We don't watch Wes Anderson films and criticize them for looking like Wes Anderson movies. (Maybe some people do, but they're wrong imo.) Or did they mean elements of the story? Honestly, The Odyssey was written 3,000+ years ago. If elements of this story are in Nolan's earlier films, that's a sign that Homer has always been an influence on Nolan. Not that Nolan was unoriginal for adapting The Odyssey. I mean, I guess you can argue that anyone adapting a 3,000 year old story isn't being original, but that feels like a very different note from "Movie 7 was so similar to movies 1-6." Or maybe this person was specifically calling out the end, with Odysseus and Penelope heading out toward the setting sun with hope, dreaming of a better future to come? I guess that's pretty typical of a Nolan movie. Definitely not too tropey for my taste. If cowboy movies could do it for decades, so can Nolan.

from moving 13 times in 12 years to over 2.5 years in the same house!

Mark and I have been in our house for two years and eight months. I just realized that this actually a great milestone for me, very much worth celebrating.

For someone who never moved from birth until I started college, my 20s were an absolute whirlwind of moving. For over a decade, I never lived anywhere for more than two years:

• spring 2012: we moved out of our house in Berkley. My permanent address on my ID became my dad's house, though I never actually lived there. Most of my "I don't actually need this but I don't have the time to sort through it" stuff went to his house due to how quickly our old house sold.
• May 2012: I moved out of the dorms and into my boyfriend-at-the-time's apartment
• July 2012: moved out of his apartment when his lease ended, in to my sister's house
• August 2012: moved in to my own apartment (which was in the same complex as the bf's - yeah, I was annoyed I couldn't just get an earlier move-in date but this place was super student-oriented, so leases started in August)
• July 2013: moved to the townhouse in Maryland
• May (or June?) 2015: moved to the apartment in Maryland

This is where it gets spicy.....

• April 2017: moved to the apartment in Virginia
• 3 weeks later: moved in to my friend's ex husband's house in Maryland because the then-bf and I broke up and I didn't feel safe staying in our apartment, even though he moved out too. (long story short, he was an ass & so was his family and I didn't want the majority of my stuff to be somewhere they had access to while I was at work.)
• June 2017: moved in with my aunt and uncle, back up in Michigan
• 2019-20: kinda-sorta slowly moved in with Mark, spending less time at my aunt & uncle's but keeping *most* of my stuff at their house, save for 1-2 loads of laundry at a time, toiletries, and a small selection of crochet projects
• August 2020: moved in to the south Canton condo
• June 2021: moved in to the Farmington condo
• June 2023: moved in to our house

I moved 13 times in 12 years, or 12 times if you don't count the partially-moving-in-to-Mark's-place. It was EXHAUSTING. I never felt settled, never felt comfortable unpacking everything because I probably wouldn't be in any one place for too long anyway. And for the most part, I never really felt like anywhere was "my home," a potential for a forever place.

The exceptions were the apartment in Maryland - god I loved that place. The space, the management, the price compared to the surrounding area, the neighborhood were all lovely. We only moved out because then-bf got a job in Virginia and didn't want to make that commute (fair, considering DC traffic). And though I knew living with my aunt and uncle was temporary and it was never meant to be "my home," I at least felt comfortable there, because I was living with family, and I felt safe being there after the traumatic breakup I'd been through. Of course, I've felt safe everywhere I've lived with Mark - but considering that all 3 landlords declined to renew our leases because they wanted to sell the places, it was also hard to feel settled.

The one benefit to all of this moving around was that I started to connect with my Things a LOT less. Every time I moved, I was motivated to purge because it meant at least 1 less box to move. Haven't seen something since the last time I moved? That's ok, it can't have meant that much to me if I don't remember where I packed it and haven't needed it since I moved in. Misplaced something I know I didn't lose in a move? Eh, it'll probably turn up next time I move.

We've now been in our house for just over two and a half years and it feels SO GOOD to be settled. More than just knowing that if I decorate, I won't have to take it all down in 6-18 months, we OWN the place so we get to make it our own! Anything we want to repaint, replace, rebuild, or redecorate, we CAN. We're contributing to rebuilding our neighborhood association because we know we'll be a part of this community for a long time, and we want to get to know the people who live around us.

Happy two years and eight months to living in our house! Here's to a few more decades. I plan to stay here until neither of us can handle all the stairs anymore. 😀

An open letter to Healthy Wage

Dear Healthy Wage,

I am about to lose my bet. In April 2024, I bet that I would lose 25 lb within six months. I only lost 20 lb, so I purchased another six months. If I lost those final 5 lb in another six months, I would still make a profit, even with the additional spend of six more months. But it's now April 2025, and I still haven't lost that last 5 lb. I have 12 days left, so there is no way for me to safely lose 5 lb. Attempting to do so would put my health at risk, because the only way to lose that much weight that quickly is to starve and dehydrate myself. I'm not going to do that.

But, wait, let's talk about the first half of my wager. I lost twenty pounds in six months. That is HUGE! That is amazing! That is 20 more pounds than I was able to lose in over a year of half-heartedly "trying" to lose weight. That is 10% of my starting weight. How many people can say they've lost 10% of their body weight in 6 months? Even though it was "only" 80% of my Healthy Wage bet, I am immensely proud of myself for that weight loss. So are my husband, his mother, my parents, and everyone else who supported me through those six months.

In those six months, I exercised 4 days per week, even when I desperately wanted a rest day. I drank Zevia soda when I really wanted a beer, or a bowl of ice cream. I brought protein bars and homemade sandwiches to film sets when I knew there would be free pizza, chips, and other junk foods that easily feed a crowd. This was all not because of my motivation to make my money back in Healthy Wage, but because I was participating in a Weight Loss and Exercise study through University of Michigan's School of Kinesiology. "For science!" was my mantra every time I had to ignore a craving or jump on the bike for 45 minutes when I had a million other things to do.

The 20 pounds that I lost was the whole requirement for the research study. Everyone I had contact with for the study congratulated me on my hard work. Healthy Wage just said "it's time to weigh in!" and convinced me to spend more money in order to extend my bet.

Over the following six months, I got a bit more lax with my diet, but I ramped up my exercise habits. Instead of 45 minutes of Low Intensity Steady State cardio 4 times per week, I switched to 4-5 days of either High Intensity Interval Training or strength training. I was slightly disappointed to see that as hard as I was pushing myself, I was maintaining my weight rather than losing. I tightened up my diet, aiming to adhere to eating about 1300 calories per day. But most weekends, I had some social gathering or another that caused me to gain 1.5-2 pounds in a day. That weight dropped back off throughout the following week, but then another "cheat day" would happen and it was lather, rinse, repeat.

The research study included a six-month follow-up of all of my experimental trials. So I have some pretty concrete evidence that even though I stayed the same weight on the scale over six months, my health truly did improve in that time.

• Waist circumference 
• August 2024: 106.7 cm
• March 2025: 98 cm
• that's a pretty significant decrease!!
• % body fat
• August 2024: 48.3%
• March 2025: 49.2%
• okay, a slight increase, BUT I had gone on a cruise and got sick as soon as I got home right before this scan. So yeah, I gained some food-baby weight and couldn't work it off right away.
• Fat mass
• August 2024: 39.9 kg
• March 2025: 40.3 kg
• that's another very slight increase, but again, this last scan was right after vacation and illness. I'd be willing to bet that if this scan had happened the week before my cruise, it would have been lower!
• Lean Mass (muscles, bones, organs, blood, skin, hair- everything but my body fat)
• August 2024: 40.6 kg 
• March 2025: 41.5 kg
• that's a GOOD increase! Considering I didn't grow any extra bones or grow my hair by several feet, I think it's a safe bet that this increase came from building muscle.
• VO2 Max: the amount of oxygen my body uses during intense exercise 
• rating scale: Very Poor, Poor, Fair, Good, Excellent, Superior
• August 2024: 26.8 mL/kg per minute
• for every kilogram of my body weight, my body used 26.8 mL of oxygen per minute
• this is a "Poor" rating for my age and gender
• March 2025: 32.8 mL/kg per minute
• for every kilogram of my body weight, my body used 32.8 mL of oxygen per minute
• this is a "Good" rating for my age and gender! I improved by two health categories!!
• not measured statistically is my experience with the VO2 Max test. It's a SUPER intense 14 minutes of cardiovascular exercise, pushing myself to and past my physical limits. I had a MUCH easier time taking this test in March, even though I was a week past having the flu (which is a respiratory infection, remember!). I was able to breathe normally for the rest of the day in March, while in August I kept coughing and wheezing through the entire evening.

In short, I am measurably and demonstrably healthier now than I was six months ago. I have a higher cardiovascular endurance; I am stronger; I am thinner. I am not lighter because I have built lean, and dense, muscle.

Healthy Wage is about to tell me that I've failed. Because I bet I would lose 25 pounds and I "only" lost 20, I am going to lose every cent that I paid in to my bet. (You'd think I could still win 80% of my potential winnings, but that's another conversation.) According to Healthy Wage, I am not healthier now than I was six months ago because the number on the scale hasn't changed. But this research study has clearly shown that health metrics are about more than what's on the scale. Any doctor or scientist would look at my statistics and say, "this woman has improved her health."

I cried hard for a while today, because I felt like I had failed. Failed to lose 5 lb in 6 months. Failed to make good on my bet. Not only failed to make some extra cash, but succeeded in losing cash. Failed to lose 5 lb in 6 months after losing 20 lb in a different 6 months. Now, after reminding myself of my actual health metrics, I am proud. I am confident. 

I am angry at our culture's fixation on weight, without any consideration for other markers of health.

In my eyes, my efforts over the past six months have been a win.

Healthy Wage, if all you care about is the number on the scale, perhaps you should change your name to Weight Wage.

Variations on delicious no-bake granola bars!

 Okay, I'm obsessed with these no-bake granola bars from Wholesomeicious. They're hella quick and easy to make, delicious, filling, healthy, and customizable!

photo belongs to Wholesomelicious. My food photography skills are whack so if I shared my own,

they'd look totally unappetizing.

The first time I made them, I followed the recipe completely and I had no complaints. But, since I've been making them every single week since the summer, I've come up with plenty of variations and substitutions. My two staples that I change up pretty much every time are:

• I cut the honey in half to 1/4 cup, and add 1/4 cup coconut oil in its place. That way I am cutting calories and sweetener while adding healthy fatty acids, but still providing enough liquid to hold the bars together. (Since coconut oil is mostly solid at room temperature, I think they hold up better than with just honey!) 
• Side note: my Mom hates all things coconut and can usually tell when something's been cooked in coconut oil (even popcorn). I had her try one of these, completely forgetting about the presence of coconut oil, and she didn't seem to notice!
• I use 2 Tbsp flaxseed powder and 2 Tbsp chia seeds
• I used unsweetened shredded coconut instead of flakes because it's usually easier to find
• I make sure my nut butter does not have any added sugar - important since I'm trying to cut back on my sugar intake!
• I always cut them into 12 pcs in an 8" x 8" dish. I find this to be the perfect size in terms of tiding me over between meals. I originally did 8 pcs and that was a bit too filling; I think 16 pcs would be too much of a tease!

Some of the variations I've toyed around with include:

• adding 2 Tbsp or so of cocoa powder to the peanut butter/honey/coconut oil (it won't distribute very well if you add it to the dry ingredients)
• swapping out the almonds for cashews or pistachios (my faves - but if you like pecans, walnuts, or peanuts better, use 'em!)
• playing with the nut butters - I've used almond, peanut, and sunflower seed. All are good, but the sunflower seed butter definitely stands out as the most salty flavor. If you don't care about calories or sugar content, you could try Nutella, too!
• mixing up the dried fruit: I've used dried cranberries and raisins as well as cherries. I wouldn't be opposed to using chopped dried fig or even something more high-profile like apricot or something!
• cutting out the coconut flakes because sometimes I run out and forget to buy more - I haven't found that I needed to add any extra solids to make up for the loss.
• one time I forgot to add the quinoa and they were still very good, but there was less crunchiness to them.

Some Variant Recipes I've done:

• Green Tea: This one didn't work as well as I wanted it to. I used almond butter and added close to 1/4 cup of green tea powder, which turned it an AWFUL color, but I can pretty much only taste the almond butter - there's like no green tea flavor at all. I used cashews, raisins, and white chocolate chips in this one. Luckily the white chocolate flavor stands out!
• Butterscotch Delight: I bought some butterscotch infused peanut butter from the farmer's market in the fall and used butterscotch chips instead of chocolate. I think I used raisins for the fruit that time, and cashews for the nuts. It was SUPER yummy!
• Holiday Orange: This one was a result of me being bored and experimental. I think I had sunflower seed butter at the time, but it might have been peanut butter. I added about 1/2 tsp or so of orange extract as well as the vanilla, and a pinch of ground cloves in addition to the cinnamon. I swapped out the honey for maple syrup, which made them a bit more gooey and melty than usual. And I had raisins and cashews at the time, but if I'd planned ahead, I would have preferred dried cranberries and pecans.
• UPDATE 2/2/21 Mint Chocolate Chip: I used mostly peanut butter but had to top off with about 2-3 Tbsp almond butter; pistachios and raisins; mini semi-sweet chocolate chips AND white chocolate; and added 1/2 tsp pure peppermint extract. That was probably a bit too much peppermint. It's not bad, but I can't really taste anything else in the bars. Next time I'd cut it down to 1/4 tsp.

I've also thought about making a mint chocolate chip variety, using cocoa powder and mint extract and mini chocolate chips, but I'm not sure what kind of nut butter would be best with that. I'd probably use pistachios for the nuts though! Yeah, as above: 1/4 tsp of pure peppermint extract should be plenty. 

TMI side note because it's me: I poop a lot when I eat one of these every day. Also, uncooked quinoa comes out looking very much the same as it does on the way in. So do chia seeds. It's not a bad thing, and in fact my BMs have felt so much easier and healthier since I started eating these all the time!

Living Greener

This is not a sponsored post. No purchases made from any of the links will earn me any kind of commission. Although, if you choose to shop from Grove, if you create your account using this link you will receive a free gift set, and I will earn $10.

Recycle, Reuse, Reduce.  It's something we all learned as children: the Three Rs of minimizing pollution.  Some materials, most prevalent in day-to-day life being cardboard boxes and pop cans/bottles, can be recycled and turned into new cardboard boxes and pop cans.  Wash out and reuse that Ziploc bag, or save that bubble mailer envelope for your next outgoing package, and you've just saved (or at least delayed) some plastic waste from hitting the landfill.

Lately, I've been focusing on the final R: reducing.  I'm sure most people out there have done this in at least some manner: you've got your super awesome glass or aluminum or BPA-free plastic water bottle that you take with you everywhere, rather than going through zillions of single-use bottles.  It's true that lots of reusable items can save you money in the long run: making your pot of coffee at home and bringing it with you in your aluminum travel mug is way cheaper than buying a cup at Starbucks every day.

But sometimes, resource-reducing items aren't always cheaper than their less green alternatives. So, this post is going to highlight my privilege as a middle-class person with (a tiny bit of) extra expendable income.  If I can spend a few extra bucks a month to reduce my carbon footprint on this Earth, then I will.

I initially wanted to do a full blog post on everything you're going to read about here. I really do have that much to say about all of this stuff. It was going to be a whole series and I was going to take photos of the products I have at home and be like a Real Influencer.

But OMG I do not have time for all that. So here's the condensed version, one big dump of a post with all of the greener-living products I use, from hygiene to household.

Bite Toothpaste and Mouthwash Bits

Imagine chewing up a small mint, them brushing your teeth with it instead of swallowing it. That's what Bite Toothpaste Bits are! Instead of toothpaste in a plastic tube, which comes in a cardboard box, which is sometimes shrinkwrapped with plastic, you get little chewable mints in a reusable glass jar. After your first order, your refills come in compostable bags mailed in recyclable cardboard boxes. 

(Gonna interject a little ramble here that Bite is SUPER low on the abrasiveness chart. My teeth are super sensitive to hot, cold, and now - lucky me! - sugar, but brushing my teeth with Bite never bothers my mouth. And I'm really excited for my next order of Bits, because they just started adding nHAp to them. The TL;DR of nHAp is that it's really good for your teeth and can even help restore lost enamel.)

Subscribe for $31.80 every 4 months (which evens out to $7.95/month) so you don't have to worry about when to buy toothpaste - and a subscription saves you a few bucks, too! Amazon has a plethora of other toothpaste bits, which may or may not be at better price points.

I've still got a big old plastic bottle of traditional liquid mouthwash at home, but when that's used up, I'm going to try Bite's mouthwash bits as well. It also has nHAp in it, and it's the same concept as their toothpaste bits: chew, fill your mouth with water, swish, spit. It's $20 for 124 mouthwash bits if you subscribe.

Bamboo toothbrushes

Even though it's as sturdy as wood, bamboo is actually related to grass. Which means it grows FAST. So it's WAY better for the environment to make disposable products out of bamboo!

I went with Brush With Bamboo because not only are the handles biodegradable, the bristles are made of biodegradable and vegan castor bean oil. Yes, oil. I have no idea how they get an oil to turn into a bristle that can get wet repeatedly, but they do! The bristles are long and very, very soft. A 4-pack (one year's supply for one person if you change it out every 3 months) costs $20. Bite also makes a bamboo brush made with castor bean oil bristles! (A common biodegradable, but not vegan, toothbrush bristle is made from boar's hair.) I'm sure you could find bamboo toothbrushes on Amazon as well.

Plastic-free floss

I actually haven't bought any of these yet, because when Mark and I moved, I found about an 8-year supply of floss in his bathroom cupboards. And we have two mostly-full bags of plastic floss picks. I'm so sorry, environment! But it's better to throw these things away used than unused, right? 😶

However, if I ever use up all of the plastic floss that I have at home, I've got my eye on Bite's vegan candelila floss. I also could have sworn that I saw an ad for a stainless steel floss pick that comes with biodegradable floss, but the only thing I could find while actually looking for such a product is this Canadian Indiegogo campaign for Durapik, which hasn't been released yet at the time of writing this.

Reusable q-tips

This product was 100% an impulse buy from an Instagram ad. You'll see below that I find Earthsider to have great products, but at way too steep a price tag. I don't regret falling for this particular impulse buy, though, because I do really like these reusable swabs and I haven't seen anything like them elsewhere! It's a set of 2 silicone swabs for $26 (I got it on sale for $13). One of them is smooth silicone with one pointed and one rounded end. The other one is slightly textured on both ends, which I find helpful for getting water out of my ears after a shower. They come in a nifty carrying/storage case, which has a few small holes in it so you can put them away still wet after being washed off and they won't get mildewy. 

Other alternatives to traditional cotton-and-paper-or-plastic Q-tips is single-use biodegradable bamboo swabs, found at Grove or Earthsider.

Bamboo paper products

There are lots of paper products on the market made from our favorite fast-growing plant.

I've tried both Honeycomb Luxury and Seedling by Grove's bamboo toilet papers. And guess what? Even though the price point is vastly different - $68 for a 24-pack at Honeycomb vs $25 for a 24-pack at Grove - the TP feels exactly the same. Same ply, same softness, same lack of "dust" or "crumbs" or "snow" (you know what I mean), same size rolls. Except Grove doesn't bother to wrap their rolls in paper, which I guess makes it more plebian than luxury? 

There's also Who Gives a Crap, and they donate 50% of their proceeds to building accessible toilets in underprivileged areas around the world. I can't speak for the quality of the TP as I haven't tried it, but they come in at $34 for 24 rolls (or $52 for 48 rolls, which is a better deal). 

So far the only bamboo facial tissue I've tried is from Grove, and while it's plenty sturdy for the wetter nose-blows, it's not very soft. Soft enough for when watching your boyfriend's cousin's live-streamed wedding makes you all teary for a few minutes, but probably too scratchy when you have a cold and blow your nose every 20 minutes for a week. 😉 Who Gives a Crap also carries bamboo facial tissue and paper towel, but I can't speak for their quality. Another place I've seen bamboo paper towel is Grove, and the reviews were pretty mixed, but skewed slightly towards the "way too flimsy" end, so I opted not to try it out just yet.

Hand soap tablets

Instead of buying a giant plastic jug of liquid hand soap and re-filling a small plastic bottle (which I will eventually tire of, because I am a Victim of Late Capitalism who Likes to Buy New Things), I now buy tablets of soap. One little tablet about 1/3 the size of my palm dissolves alka-seltzer style into the glass bottle that Blueland sends you with your starter kit. The bottle has a clearly marked fill line so you know exactly how much water to fill every time. Starter kits are $16 and they come with a glass bottle and 3 soap tablets; refills vary based on quantity but the best deal is 9 tablets for $14. Compared to spending nearly $14 for one bottle of foaming soap at Bath and Body Works, that's a pretty good deal!

Other household soaps & cleaners

Blueland also offers lots of other plastic-free soaps and cleaners, including: laundry detergent pods not wrapped in PVA; dishwasher detergent pods not wrapped in PVA; dish soap powder; bathroom cleaning spray; glass cleaning spray; and multi-surface cleaning spray. I haven't tried any of these yet. I purchased the dishwasher pods at $14 for 40 pods but still have a few older ones to use up.

Grove Collaborative is also a great resource for cleaning product concentrates that you mix with tap water at home. I got a free sample of their glass cleaner concentrate (sent in a small plastic tube, but way less plastic than a bottle of Windex!) with my first Grove order. Grove expects you to subscribe to everything you buy, but you can keep your account open without any active subscriptions.

Bee's Wrap

Instead of plastic wrap or aluminum foil, I've been using bee's wax wrap. Grove sells it in a variety of sizes - I went with the 3 pack of mediums for $18 - and it supposedly lasts about a year before it degrades too much. (I've only had mine for about 2 months). It can cling to any kind of surface because your body heat will actually semi-melt the edges onto your container! Hand wash with soap and COLD water between uses. You definitely don't want to use this in the microwave or dishwasher. When it gets too old to keep using (I'm not sure how you'll know - maybe it will rip? shrivel? dissolve?), it can be composted!

Reusable sealable bags

Yet another pantry essential I recently found on Grove, these silicone bags are far more resuable than Ziploc. They can go in the dishwasher, although some reviews warned against this. I myself had the smallest bag just rip on me at room temperature when I tried to open it - but Grove very easily gave me an account credit for the full cost of the three-piece set, which is a nice $10.95 for one each snack, sandwich, and gallon storage bag. Grove has a pretty wide assortment of different reusable bags to choose from.

Silicone stretchy lids

Since I only have a few pieces of bee's wrap and they're all the same size, I also got some stretchy silicone lids. I use the smallest one on open cans of cat food. The largest one just barely fits my 8-quart Instant Pot. The in-between sizes fit cups, bowls, small plates, small to medium Tupperwares, fruits that got cut in half, you name it. I first found these on Earthsider but the $40 price tag was a bit too high for me, so I wound up buying essentially the same 6-piece set on Amazon for just $6. They're dishwasher safe.

Reusable parchment paper

Once again, I found this product on Earthsider but didn't like the price ($36 for the largest one), so I found something similar on Amazon ($10 and it's bigger than Earthsider's largest, and you can cut it to your desired size). I cut mine up so that one piece fits my typical cookie sheet, and the other piece is kind of awkwardly large - I might cut it down to fit my 8" x 8" brownie pan and have a little scrap leftover.

In any case, this stuff replaces disposable parchment paper for lining pans and dishes that are going in the oven. It says it's dishwasher safe, but I prefer to hand wash mine. Recently I baked some salmon and broccoli with a sticky glaze sauce, and then I left the pan sitting on the stove overnight before cleaning it, and all of the gooey sauce just wiped right off using the scratchy side of the sponge! I haven't baked any desserts on this yet, but I'm confident that it would be just as nicely nonstick for cookies or whatnot as it is for gooey salmon.

Reusable water bottles

There are at least a zillion reusable water bottles on the market. My all-time favorite is the Contigo spill-proof bottle. The lid is made of plastic, but when you keep the same bottle for at least five years, that's pretty inconsequential. The bottle is stainless steel and isn't dishwasher safe (possibly only because of the colored paint on the outside?), although the lid can go in the dishwasher. This baby- ! The only time I've ever spilled water from it is when it fell onto the concrete ground out of my backpack's side pocket and the lid popped off. The button to release the silicone seal is easy to press - my then-7-year-old nephew-by-choice was able to drink out of it easily - but even if you were to drop the bottle mid-sip, you've let go of the button and so it re-seals itself! I've been able to drink water while laying flat on my back sick or hungover without spilling on myself. This bottle is just so good and I can't rave about it enough. It comes in a whole bunch of different colors to match your personality and color code your family.

Reusable produce bags

Since the pandemic hit and I started ordering my groceries online, I sadly haven't gotten much use out of my produce bags. But when I've gone to the outdoor farmer's market, I always have these with me! They help reduce plastic or paper waste when buying loose produce like berries or even onions/apples/potatoes/etc. And, since I don't have a big fancy pantry with drawers for my room-temperature produce, I can store my onions in the bags to keep them from rolling all around. I had some raspberries get a little smooshed and there was a lot of juice all over the bag, but a quick rinse under the kitchen sink with cold water got the color right out! I got this 5-piece set from Target for just $7 and I store anything that's not being used in my reusable grocery bag in the closet. Earthsider also has a set, but guess what - they're at least triple the price. This is another really basic product that can probably be found almost anywhere, though.

Menstrual cups

I could honestly write an entire blog series just on menstrual cups alone. I'll try to summarize quickly without going into too much intimate detail.

I used to use single-use disposable pads and tampons that had to be changed every 4-6 hours or as soon as they got too full. I would leak blood onto my pants WAY more often than I'd like, especially when I was younger and more self-conscious about the sound of unwrapping a pad in the school bathrooms. (Yeah, seriously.)

Menstrual cups may sound gross - I used to retch at the thought of emptying one out - but holy shit am I glad for them now. I was actively, heavily menstruating throughout the majority of 2018, 2019, and the first 3/4 of 2020 (there's a whole blog post right there). In that time, I only had to buy two (2!) silicone menstrual cups, which cost me a total of about $60. I would have been spending closer to $35 every month on pads and tampons. I shudder to think about the amount of cotton-and-plastic waste I would have generated in that time as well.

Finding the right menstrual cup for you can be really tricky. I highly recommend this resource for sizing, shaping, and pricing information. Personally, I started with Rebel Kate cups (it was free with $12 shipping at the time). Rebel Kate appears to be off the market (there's actually some controversy in the menstrual cup community as to whether these cheap cups are safe - I never had any health issues while using this one). I now use a Lumma Cup menstrual disc ($45 for two - I gifted the spare to a friend), which can be worn for mess-free period sex (another game-changer when actively bleeding for 4 months straight!!!). I've also tried Flex disposable menstrual discs (which can also be worn during sex), but their one size fits all didn't actually fit in me very well. Plus, even though you can wear these ones for 12 hours at a time, I still wasn't a fan of adding to the landfills. Flex offers tiered pricing based on your subscription quantities.

Biodegradable cat litter

I could write a whole post about my research into biodegradable litters, but I'll try once again to summarize. This detailed post was very helpful for me when I was trying to make a decision before getting my Beef Stroganoff, because the author had actually tried every kind she was reviewing.

Your most widely available options are corn, walnut, paper, assorted woods, and tofu. Corn seemed like the best option until I read that corn litter can sometimes contain a corn-specific bug that, if your cat were to eat it, could kill him/her. I did not want to risk that. Tofu sounds great but it's quite expensive. Paper/wood sounded like the worst at clumping and odor control. So I went with walnut, which is still more expensive than clay or corn, but cheaper than tofu and reportedly better at clumping. I'm super happy with Naturally Fresh Quick-Clumping walnut litter! The dust is very low; it clumps quite well; the smell is very pleasant when fresh, and it's pretty decent at masking odor; and it's flushable! That's right, biodegradable litters can be flushed down the toilet! Just be careful to break down any huge clumps or else you'll have to grab the plunger. Walnut litter is also safe if you have a litter-eating kitty (although the internet says a kitty will only do this if there's a nutritional deficiency, so be aware of this happening!). I get mine on Chewy at $21 for a 26-lb bag, which is a better deal than I've seen in pet stores by a couple of dollars.

Not only am I happy to not add clay litter to the landfills; I also learned that clay is strip-mined, which is really bad for the earth and can leave permanent scars in the ground. And, even though clay is natural, it doesn't ever break down once it's been fired. (Think of all the ancient pottery we've found buried who-knows-how-deep under ground. Hundreds or thousands of years old and we still have whole-ass clay pots and jars and even jewelry. Those litter pellets ain't goin' nowhere.)

Quick note that an open bag of any type of biodegradable litter should be stored in an airtight container, because otherwise they can attract household pests. We keep ours in a plastic tub with a locking lid in the coat closet, away from any sources of water or food.

In conclusion...

There are lots and lots of ways that you can reduce your carbon footprint, from finding biodegradable alternatives to super-reusable alternatives to products made from more sustainable resources. Some of them are more cost efficient than their common predecessors, while many of them are not. Personally, I find a higher price to be worth it (to an extent - sorry, Honeycomb Luxury and Earthsider). If I can convince everyone reading this to choose one item to replace their single-use plastics with, I will be super happy. If anyone reading this starts using multiple alternatives that I wrote about, I will be absolutely thrilled! 😁

***If I've sold you on any of the products I mentioned from Grove Collaborative, please consider creating your account using this link. If you do, you will get a bonus gift set with your first purchase, and I will earn a $10 store credit.

What kinds of environmentally friendly hygiene/household products do you use? Did I open your eyes to something you'd never thought of? Let me know in the comments!

Holy shit, I'm a hardcore people-pleaser.

To understand where I'm coming from in this post, I want you to first read this blog post from Let's Queer Things Up.

I..... Holy shit. This is so true it hurts a little.

Totally fits with my pattern of shitty exes. The first one left me so desperate for approval that I let the second one treat me like garbage so I could make it up to him (because he always made me feel like his anger was my fault) and then repeat the cycle. I hid so much unhappiness in both of those relationships because I wanted the people around me to think that I was happy. Confessing my unhappiness to the people who loved me would make them sad, and I didn't want to make them sad, so I kept it to myself.

Boundaries? What are those?

The summer I was 16 I kissed my boyfriend for the first time. The teenage hormones and the excitement led from gentle kisses to heavy making out. At the time, I was waiting to have sex until I was married. We played around at second base a lot, and I always enjoyed it in the moment, but I was riddled with confusion afterwards.  I knew I needed to tell him that I wasn't sure I was comfortable with it and that I definitely didn't want to go any further - to make my boundaries clear - but I was terrified. I was too young and naive to fully understand why I was afraid to talk to him - he was nowhere near abusive, and I'm sure the worst he'd have done would have been breaking up with me if he really wanted to go further - but I see now that I was fawning.  That conversation might have made him unhappy, so I simply didn't talk about it. Instead, I avoided him for the rest of the summer until my best friend finally told me that breaking up with him was the right thing to do, both for myself and for him. I'm still kind of sorry that I let it end that way.

The next time I knew that I needed to set boundaries for myself, I wasn't sure where I needed them to be, and I told him exactly that.  Simply saying "I need boundaries but I don't know what they are right now, so please be patient with me while I figure them out" was fucking HUGE for me. But didn't give me the space I needed, and I let things happen on his terms anyway because it didn't make sense to me to stir the pot by saying "I shouldn't be texting you several times a day every day, and I'm not comfortable with you starting a conversation with 'hey sexy'" when I liked him so much.

When he asked me to be his girlfriend (via text message), I knew I was not ready to say yes. It wasn't that I wanted to date other people or "keep my options open" - I simply was not emotionally ready to be in a committed relationship. But I couldn't imagine telling him that, especially not via text message.  So I fawned and said yes. This ended up setting the stage for seven months of doing whatever it took to keep him happy.  He'd get mad at me over some bullshit, we'd fight via text message, I'd dwell on it and plan what I had to say to his face to make it okay, I'd go over there, and he'd initiate passionate sex before I could say a word.  Did I ever ask him to stop so we could talk first? Absolutely not. That would upset him. I liked the sex, and I liked him seeming so passionate, and I liked not having difficult conversations. So I let it keep happening until it broke me.

There is one difference between me and Sam Dylan Finch: I don't back away from my healthy relationships. I do tend to vent to a selection of them, as the Sam said is common among fawners.  I was venting to my best friend of over ten years when I realized that I had to break up with my then-boyfriend. My best friend burst into angry tears and shouted "Kate he doesn't treat you right." All I could do in the moment was also burst into tears, hug her, and tell her how lucky I was to have a friend like her. I have always been grateful to have her as a friend. I am eternally grateful that her reaction to whatever garbage I was telling her about made me see how right she was and decide to stop taking the garbage from him, even if it meant breaking up with him.

But there was a tiny part of me, the fawning people-pleaser, that was ashamed that I'd made her cry. She had her own struggles and her own garbage to deal with - how dare I worry her so with my problems? That's not something that I've ever dwelled on or continued to feel guilty about, but it was definitely there in the bottom of my gut and it illustrates the amount a people-pleaser will suppress in order to avoid making others unhappy.

I'm not really sure where this stems from. The original author suggests that a chaotic and/or abusive childhood often leads to fawning, but I grew up very, very far from abuse. Yes, my parents argued, and I suppose it's possible that when I told myself "I'm never going to get a divorce" I unconsciously made the decision to let myself be bendable, to make myself cave in order to keep the peace.  It'd probably take a therapist to confirm that theory or to uncover anything else that breeds fawning tendencies.

I've got a happy ending - well, not ending because I'm not dead and don't plan to be for quite some time - so a happy next chapter, if you will. I actually took time to sort myself out between romantic relationships. I got confident enough in myself that, when I dated someone who was pretty in to me but the feeling wasn't mutual, I didn't make myself believe that I owed him a relationship.  I let myself be an individual instead of a mirror, and I broke it off with him.

Shortly before that, I was hooking up with someone who I knew to be 100% wrong for me. I didn't fawn to please him, didn't tell myself that it was okay to be with a pessimist, didn't decide to settle for him just because he was there and showing a spark of interest. The second I saw that spark fade, I stopped trying to initiate anything and I let the fling flicker out into nothingness.

And now? I have an amazing boyfriend. One who has never once made me feel like I had to mold myself to meet his needs - we have always naturally been a great fit. And all those red flags for abusive relationships that I see on social media - the lists of behaviors that each of my serious exes line up with oh so well - are completely unrelatable for him. Any time I'm unnecessarily emotional (from my own internal logical perspective), rather than ignore me or tell me I'm being silly or to stop crying or any other emotionally abusive bullshit, he'll ask what I need to feel better right now. My response is usually just for him to hold me for a while, and he is perfectly happy to do so. (He's usually already holding me when he asks, and we just snuggle in and get more comfortable.)  Conflict between us is nearly nonexistent. Not because I deny my own boundaries, wants, or needs, but because most of those things align for us - or because he is willing to work with me to find a compromise when they don't.

I am going to make efforts to keep an eye out for fawning behaviors now that I have a word for them. At work, with friends, with family, and with my boyfriend, just to make sure I don't fall back into old habits.  Caving to other people and putting myself at the bottom of my list is so 2017 Kate. 2018 Kate started getting over that shit, and 2019 Kate is going to continue to work even harder at making sure 2020 Kate and beyond makes her boundaries and needs clear to others - even if those boundaries and desires aren't what the people around me might like best. 🍓💙

Ode to Medicaid

I want to take some time to talk about how much I appreciate Michigan's Medicaid program as it currently stands in 2019.

This isn't a tragic story filled with needs for life-saving care and nights laying awake worried about how I was going to afford my life-saving medication.  I am thankful everyday that I do not have any conditions that require daily medicine or emergency backups.

This is simply a story of an average healthy person, struggling to find full-time employment, who wanted to make sure she was functionally healthy while she was struggling financially.

As a woman, I see my gynecologist every year to make sure that my breasts are lump-free and that my ovaries and uterus are cyst-free.  The timing worked out so that I didn't need a pap smear while I was on Medicaid, but I do stay up to date with that exam as well.

I also visited my gynecologist for a full STD panel (vaginal swab + blood work) between sexual partners to make sure I wasn't putting the next person at risk.

Again, I visited my gynecologist to talk about issues with excessive bleeding - we're talking 40+ days straight of menstruation.  The result is my business but it was definitely necessary to seek medical treatment on that one.

I went to the dentist to have my teeth cleaned for the first time in over nine years.  As a new patient, I also got a full set of X-rays.  Four small holes were discovered in my teeth, so they were filled in.

When I had a random episode of vertigo that was so bad I could barely walk across the hall to the bathroom, I went (having gotten a ride) to urgent care.  Thankfully it was just fluid trapped in my ears after a cold, so I bought some antihistamines.

I got my flu shot and thankfully avoided catching the flu - a bigger challenge for someone working retail during the holidays.

I also got the Hepatitis B vaccine when there was an outbreak traced back to a restaurant I'd dined at and thankfully avoided catching that disease, too.

When I had a cough lingering for a whole week after getting over a cold, I went to urgent care to ensure that it wasn't something more serious.  I was prescribed a nasal spray and an antihistamine - which Medicaid thankfully covered, since even store brands can be $20 or more, and my $10/hour, 16-hour work weeks left me with very little emergency money.

When that cough lasted a full month even with the nasal spray and antihistamines, I finally sought out a GP.  (I hadn't had a regular doctor or an annual physical since I outgrew my pediatrician.)  She gave me the peace of mind that my cough was allergy-related triggered by the cold I'd caught, prescribed me a cough suppressant, and also sent me to the lab for bloodwork to see if I was anemic (related to the excessive menstruation, not the cough).

When a bug bite turned dark purple and red, and had lines of bruise color streaming down towards my ankle, I rushed to urgent care to have it looked at.  Thankfully it wasn't a tick bite or Lyme disease, but a simple infection.  I was prescribed both an antibiotic pill and a cream to treat it.

When frequent headaches and eye fatigue started to set in, I got an eye exam to see if my prescription had changed.  It had, and I would have gotten a new pair of glasses completely covered, except that my exam ended up taking place on the last day of Medicaid coverage before my insurance from my new full-time job started up.

100% of these services and prescriptions were 100% covered for me.  The situations I've laid out took place across almost two years of me being underemployed and underpaid, and thanks to Medicaid, I never had to worry about how I was going to afford any of these office visits or prescriptions.

I guess I have a few main points here:

1) Medicaid is actually good health coverage and I am eternally grateful to the state for supporting me when I was down. 

2) Please do not talk down to or about people who are on Medicaid.  Many of them are people like me - people who are trying desperately to find full-time employment with health benefits, but for reasons that are personal to them have been unsuccessful.  (Bear in mind, too, that some of these people are working 40 or more hours per week, but spread across 2 or more jobs.)

3) Please do not vote Medicaid away.  I can't imagine what I would have done without the coverage that I had in the last 2 years.  Don't do that to people who rely on the system for support.

4) Please don't make the "I don't want MY tax dollars supporting ____!" complaint when it comes to Medicaid.  I mean, I hate that argument in general, but when you're talking about the health and the lives of your fellow statesmen, it's just incomprehensible to me that anyone would complain about contributing 2.9% of their salary for that.  That's less than three cents per dollar.  For every $100 you make, you're contributing only $2.90 towards the people you share a state with to have health insurance.  Please be a compassionate enough person to be okay with that tax.

A collection of facts fresh from another damn breakup

Here are some basic facts.

The last time I went to sleep secure in my knowledge of a future with Derek Wang was a Tuesday.

On Wednesday, I found evidence of his infidelity and I went to sleep scared and confused.

On Thursday, I confronted him about it and I slept uneasily, knowing it was over.

On Friday, I succumbed to the uncertainty of a future without him and I figured out a way I could be okay with staying with him.  He seemed to agree to my terms.

But by the end of the following week (or thereabouts), he'd changed his mind, and it was over.

*   *   *

The last time I went to sleep secure in the prospect of a future with Derek James was a Tuesday.

On Wednesday, he picked yet another fight via text message and I went to sleep scared and confused.

On Thursday, I broke down into tears after my workout because I knew that I had to protect myself by letting him go.

We didn't speak for two days.

By Sunday evening, he was angry and throwing out all kinds of accusations about me that were completely untrue.

Another basic fact:

I didn't ever feel physically unwell from anxiety when I was with Wang.  I certainly felt that way when I found out about his cheating, when he cut me off financially, when his family stole from me, and whenever I had to speak with him after all of it.  That period of time lasted approximately three weeks.  There was a brief repetition of the uneasy feeling when I sold the couch that had been ours, and when I met with a background check agent on his behalf.

I felt physically unwell from anxiety, on and off, for the last two months of my relationship with Derek.  The thought of losing him scared me so much that I felt unwell.  Trying to figure out why he was mad at me, what I could do or say (or not do or not say) to make it all better, made my heart race and my breathing difficult.

Six and a half years of being with Wang, and I only felt physically unwell for roughly three weeks after I knew it was over.  Seven months of being with Derek, and I felt physically unwell throughout two months before things ended.  But then? after they did end?  A weight off my chest.  It felt literal.  My breathing became less labored because the anxiety lifted.

Of course, if we're being factual, it wasn't immediate and permanent.  The first week post-breakup was hard as hell.

Let's look at why.

I kept asking myself, Why does this hurt so bad after only seven months, when two of those months were bad?

I finally figured out why:

Before breaking up with Wang, I thought - I knew - that we had a future together.  We were talking about buying a house in the next year; about getting a domestic partnership before my birthday so I could jump onto his health insurance; about getting married after that, when it made financial sense to throw the wedding that I wanted.  There was no period of not knowing if it was going to work out, of questioning our future together.  I could see it and I wanted it.

Then, in the blink of an eye, it was gone.

And before I could get used to the idea of being alone, before I could look forward to a future with myself, before the dust had even settled, along came Derek.  And he was wonderful.  He knew the pain I was going through, having been cheated on before (I later learned that his girlfriend cheated on him when he was 18, they'd only been together for a few weeks; sorry, sweetie, but you absolutely didn't know the depth of the loss I experienced); he was kind; he made me laugh; he gave me something to look forward to.

Probably too much to look forward to.

I latched on to the possibility of a future with him so quickly.  Too quickly.  I was blinded by the excitement.  "If I learned anything in my last relationship, it's that time is meaningless in a relationship.  There are no minimum or maximum time limits in love.  There's no magic number of months or years that suddenly mean you're ready for the next level.  So... why deny it?"  I actually wrote that in my journal in December.  We had been dating for just over four months at this point.  And we were already thinking about moving in together.  Just a week later, I would experience a moment of "clarity" in which I knew I was going to marry him.

I haven't really told anyone about that.  The context no longer matters - suffice it to say that just shy of five months together, I thought to myself "that's it, I'm gonna marry him."

FIVE. MONTHS. 

The problem here, I can now see, is that everything happened way too quickly.  Before the dust from my last relationship could settle and before I could feel content in romantic solitude, someone wanted me.  Someone who made me feel like I was ready to date again.

So that's why it hurt so much when it ended.  I was experiencing not just the pain of losing Derek, but of knowing that I was still without a life partner.  That after everything I'd been through, everything he promised himself to be, I still didn't get to look forward to a future with someone.

I'm not trying to be dramatic here - I still have confidence that I will find someone who will be a good fit for me, and that I will grow old with him.  But, I'm acknowledging that for now, that person isn't visible.  That person is not in my life yet, and so for now, I have no promise of permanent companionship.

Let me tell you what, realizing that hurts like hell.  It makes you queasy, it kills your appetite, it makes you tired, it makes you want to do nothing but sleep because sleep is a reprieve from feeling or thinking.

It's slowly getting better.  Some day, the pain and the anxiety will be a distant memory and I'll be able to say, "the way things ended was really bad and I hated feeling that way, but all in all, I'm glad it ended.  I'm much better off without him."

After all, I already feel that way about my relationship with Wang.

A jumble of thoughts fresh from a breakup

Anyone reading this probably at least knows that derek and I have broken up because he cheated on me for the better part of a year.

When I first found out (because he left his e-mail account open, not because he had the courage to tell me), I felt like my entire world was crashing down around me while the rug was being pulled out from under my feet.  I was so scared to lose him that I decided to stay with him provided that he seek counseling and we attend couples counseling.  That old cliche of "I've invested so much of my life into this relationship, I'm not going to let it go this easily."  Because you're supposed to fight for love, right?  I wasn't going to go down without a fight.

But after two days, derek decided that that was too much work, that there's no point in trying again because "the unhappiness that led to his cheating would probably come back again eventually" (oh yeah guys, he cheated because I didn't keep him sexually satisfied, so it was my fault in his eyes).  He insisted that I was only staying with him for the financial security.  The best line he gave me was "we need to make sure that we can be happy on our own before we can be happy together."  Translation: "I'm too much of a coward to break up with you outright so I'll pretend like I maybe want you back eventually."

Yeah, no.

Once I got over the initial shock of everything that happened, I had a very, very important realization:

I honestly don't miss him all that much.

Oh sure, I miss the companionship, I miss having a warm body to snuggle against at night (it's been unseasonably cold this week), I missed having a body to snuggle when I had a nightmare the other day, I miss being pretty sure that I'll be debt-free by 30, and it's weird not having someone to talk to about every TV show that I watch (I started a lot of them because he was in to them).

But you know what?

I can find any of that with someone else.  Maybe not the debt-free part, because I don't expect anyone to be willing to pay 100% of the rent until my loans are paid off, but that's okay.

Him breaking up with me (it really should have been me breaking up with him) has opened my eyes to what an underperforming boyfriend he really was.  Every time I asked him for a simple date night (like, to the place literally 3/4 of a mile away from our apartment for a quick dinner not in front of the TV) he would grumble.  I planned this awesome staycation for us last summer and he was a total asshole about leaving the apartment the entire long weekend.  Every weekend was a lazy weekend.  As in, if I asked him to go walk the 2 blocks to pick up dinner from the deli, he'd ask why I couldn't do it.  The only time he ever helped me cook dinner was if I burned myself and couldn't finish the recipe by myself due to pain.  My family came to visit, I had to practically beg him to come out with us and spend quality time with these people who he saw once a year max.  His family came to visit, and I ended up spending an entire day alone with his mother while he played video games at home.  We went to Jamaica for our friend's wedding and he stayed cooped up in the hotel when we all went snorkeling FOR FREE because "I've been snorkeling before, I don't feel like doing it again."  ON AN ALL-EXPENSE PAID WEDDING PARTY TRIP TO JAMAICA.  On the rare occasion that he did leave the apartment with me, I felt like I had to coddle him the whole time to make sure he was enjoying himself.  Yeah, that made it fun for me.

Okay I'm rambling now.  The point is that after I moved down to Maryland to be with him, he stopped putting any effort into our relationship and for nearly four years I pretended like that didn't bother me.  Or I denied that it did.  Either way, now that I'm out of that relationship, my eyes are wide open to how unhappy I was.

When I was 18 and just so broken-hearted over the fact that my high school boyfriend wouldn't talk to me anymore, my therapist asked me this question:

"Why would you want to be friends with someone who treats you that way?"

Her voice echoed in my head almost as soon as I found out that derek had cut me off (which was while I was at lunch with my coworkers - yet another cowardly move on his part).  I knew it as soon as she asked me that when I was 18, and I knew it again a few weeks ago: I don't want to be with someone who treats me that way.  Not as a friend and definitely not as a romantic partner.

It's a difficult question to answer sometimes, and it was definitely difficult when I thought about the future that I had to say goodbye to.  We'd been talking about getting a domestic partnership before November so that I could hop on to his health insurance when I turn 26, and we were talking about buying a house in the next year.

I was watching Frasier the other day - a show that I often turn to when I'm sad - and at the end of the very first episode, one of his callers is still feeling like a mess months after a breakup.  Frasier told her that she's not mourning the loss of the relationship, but the loss of the future that she thought she had.  Yet another light switch flicked on in my head.  That's exactly it.  I already don't miss him - it's hard to miss someone who barely paid attention to your relationship.  And I'm actually already starting to be excited for my new future thanks to the love and support from my friends and family who have all promised to welcome me back to Michigan.  Honestly, maybe it had become about the promise of financial security, even if I didn't quite realize it at the time.

It's like if you lived for 4 years in a really shitty climate, and you'd tried to forget that nicer climates exist, and any time you saw any little reminder of a better climate you were like "yeah but this region is totally perfect for me, I don't need better weather to feel better" but then one day you get strapped into a giant slingshot by force, and you get thrown into a WAY nicer climate and after you brush yourself off and figure out your new surroundings you're like "holy shit.  This climate is PERFECT for me!  How could I have ever been happy living under those conditions?  I'm never going back to that region even for a brief visit!"

So I actually kind of hope that one day, maybe months from now, derek will come crawling back to me so that I can laugh in his face.  He knows how hard it is for me to deny someone another chance to stay in my life - he literally had to hold my hand while I blocked an ex best friend on Facebook when we were in college - and I hope he'll think that he'd get a second chance if I have enough time to miss him.  I want to smile as I tell him that I don't miss him.  He selfishly told me that he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to move on from me (which is stupid because he already had, at least sexually), and I want the opportunity to show him that I have moved on from him.

A comprehensive list of the awesomeness that is coconut oil

I know I'm not the first person to discover how great coconut oil is, but really, WOW, it is awesome.  Here's a list of all the things I use it for:

• Cooking - especially baking, waffles, and sweeter meals (such as this sausage with grapes dish that I like, or pork chops with apples, that kinda thing)
• Acne - I have adult acne pretty badly.  Last summer, I wouldn't have been surprised if everyone I met thought I was 15 years old because it was raging so badly.  But if I slather some coconut oil onto my clean face about an hour before bed, then gently blot it off right before I hit the pillow, my acne is much less red, angry, and swollen throughout the next day.
• 2020 update: DO NOT, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, put coconut oil on your face. Coconut oil is highly comedogenic, which means it clogs your pores. Which means that back in 2017, I was making my acne worse by slathering coconut oil all over it. My acne was honestly always red, swollen, and angry back then. I think I was imagining things when I thought coconut oil was helping me. At least I smelled good though?
• Chafing - my thighs rub together when I walk.  Sometimes I forget to rub deodorant between them, and sometimes I sweat the deodorant away but have to keep walking.  Which of course leads to chafing.  Coconut oil on my chafed thighs soothes it wonderfully and I'm pretty sure it helped it to heal faster.
• Shaving/waxing wounds - A few months ago, I cut myself while shaving my armpits.  Since I couldn't wear deodorant over the open wound for a few days, I chafed badly which also kinda made the wound worse.  Coconut oil served to sooth the chafing, prevent it from getting worse, AND help heal the wound.
• More recently, I've started waxing my armpits. Coconut oil is great for soothing my pits immediately after waxing, and after a few days when my baby hairs grow back and get kinda sensitive.
• I also dab a little bit onto my eyebrows after I tweeze them.  The swelling goes down quickly and it helps prevent ingrown hairs! 
• I imagine it would be a really good way to prevent razor burn, too.  I haven't ever used it after shaving unless I cut myself, so I'm not positive.  But probably!
•  Nails&cuticles - my cuticles barely dried out this winter.  Also, I had damaged nails from too many peel-off base coats in a row; a few days of naked nails in the winter with lots of coconut oil and the damage seemed to disappear.  I highly recommend it for after scrubbing off a glitter polish!
• Burns - so, I haven't used it immediately after burning myself, so I don't know if it soothes the initial pain.  But the day after my most recent burn experience, when I had tender blisters that didn't ache constantly, coconut oil was wonderful for keeping the skin moisturized and happy.
• Hair - I use it as a hair mask BEFORE showering every now and then.  It's WAY too oily for me to use it after a shower the way I use argon oil, which I learned via trial and error.  As in, "let's try it!  Ohh, that was a mistake, now I need half a can of dry shampoo because I don't have time to wash it right now."

Seriously, coconut oil is a miracle serum.  If they ever decide that it causes cancer, I'm probably going to be diagnosed at like 30 because I consume and absorb so much on a regular basis!

Freshman year of college: the time I quite almost killed myself over a final project

I've told this story to many people in the past - staying up for nearly 3 days straight to work on a final project that I'd badly procrastinated.  But due to the lack of sleep at the time, and the years that have passed since, I tend to get the details wrong when I retell the story.  Lo and behold, I wrote about it the day after it all happened!  I've decided to type it up for all to read.  Friends who are parents, please feel free to use this as educational material as your kids grow up and start thinking it's okay to pull all-nighters for school.  I've added some annotation for clarification in pink.

*   *   *

30 April, 2010
Freshman year of college
Right before finals week

Oh my god.  This week was so hard.  I procrastinated my art history project WAY too much, like holy butt. [yes, it actually says holy butt.]  After TV night with Steph on Monday, I tried to stay up all night to work on the story.  I fell asleep around 4:30, woke up at 10ish. [I likely still made it to my 10:20 German class, because skipping class is bad m'kay?] Okay, that's kind of enough sleep.  Tuesday I got off work shortly after 1 (am, I worked the closing shift in the caf, so technically this was Wednesday morning) and continued working on the story.  I watched the sun rise (so pretty!) and fell asleep around 7:30 or 8... Woke up at 10:30.  Got breakfast at Hubbard and decided to have some coffee. with lots of cream & sugar.  Went to IAH (my afternoon class), then to CVS for some Vitamin Water and an energy drink because I knew I'd be up all night again.  By the time I went to lunch at Akers I was pretty hyper, so I had another cup of coffee. [a completely logical decision.]  Then, despite how pretty it was outside, I sat inside and drew. And drew. And drew.  I think I ate dinner in there somewhere.  Around 1 or maybe 2 (am, mind you) I chugged down most of a can of Amp before realizing that 1 can = 2 servings. then I started going insane...

I started posting random stuff on Facebook.  I worked right through sunrise and around 7:45 decided it was time for breakfast. took a shower. got back to work.  Realized that my heart was beating too quickly and I sometimes felt out of breath just sitting there drawing.  By this time, my writer's callous and right arm were getting sore, but I still had lots of work to do.  So I kept on working until 12:30, when I had to go to bio.  I was pretty freaking out because holy crap, I still had 2 drawings to do and I had to attach the book and shit I had like an hour after bio to do it.  I was so tired, too.  I started falling asleep and I'm pretty sure I hallucinated a little.  I thought a picture of a rain cloud was moving and raining, and that a bunny was breathing and twitching its head. [the prof never used animations in his slides, only still images.] Then I thought I saw... I don't know, water or something spurting out of the wall.  After class I picked up some food from Sparty's and went back to my dorm.  Then I really started freaking out.  I was straight up out of breath but just sitting there, and even though I knew I had everything under control I started crying.  I was like "no, you're wrong. Everything is fine.  Stop being illogical." but I kept crying anyway. [I'm pretty confident that this is the first and only panic attack I have ever experienced.] So I ate my food and watched my favorite videos on YouTube and felt better.  I finished up one of the empty pages, attached everything, and went to class where I threw up a poopless poop angel (complete with confused flies) onto the blank page.  Turned the little SOB in and mostly fell asleep through class.  By this time I was basically a zombie.  But the sun had come back out after clouds leading up to like a 5 minute rain, and I had the story off my damn chest, so I was feeling a little better. 

I happily turned in the books I'd used [for the research] and then bought some new earphones at the International Center.  I called Ben and YAY, he's coming to MSU on Saturday! <3 When I got home I did some German homework and went to bed.  At 7:45.  Then I woke up at 8:55... today. Oh my god. I wish I could sleep that deeply and blissfully every night.  So yeah, I would rate this experience about a 10 on the crazy scale.  Never, ever, ever drinking coffee again.  Or procrastinating so horribly. Ever.  I am so sorry for what I did to my body.  [closing about how my hand was cramping and I wanted to go outside]

*   *   *

I'd like to point out that I would have had an extra two hours to work on the project and probably not have a panic attack had I decided to skip bio the day the project was due.  But nooo, I had to be in class!!!!!  Compare this to my senior year when I was like "I'm behind on work in Lisa's class, so I'm going to skip Lisa's class today and work on the projects."  I certainly did change a lot in a few semesters.

And just for the record: my body still can't handle caffeine.  I don't know if I would always have been caffeine-sensitive, or if I broke the receptors in my brain that week or something.  But if I drink anything stronger than a black tea (or two black teas in a row), I get very shaky and breathing gets uncomfortable.  I don't get the energy boost and then I crash hard and pretty much can't function unless I take a nap.

2016 Reading Challenge: Summary!

Well, 2016 has come and gone and I have to admit: I didn't complete the challenge.  But I'm not upset about it, and I don't feel down on myself, and I'm not gonna let it keep me from reading in 2017 out of some lame "well if I couldn't do it LAST year..." excuse.

Honestly, the main reason I failed to complete the challenge is because I read several books that didn't count towards the challenge!

I did kind of stop choosing to read while at home, letting games and my nails and crocheting get in the way of that again, but I always read for about an hour a day on the Metro!  Actually, that's not entirely true - I also listened to one and almost a half audio books.  I never thought I would have the attention span for audio books, but as it turns out, they're great for a Metro commute - I can let my sleepy pre- and post-work eyes rest and still make progress in the book!

So if we're counting audio books (and I definitely think we should), I did manage to check off one more book from the challenge: a book recommended by a friend.  When I asked my coworker for an audio book recommendation (I explained to her that the only one I'd ever listened to before was Harry Potter, so I was used to an incredible narrator), she suggested Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams, narrated by Stephen Fry.  Oh. my. gosh.  It was an incredible experience listening to that narration!  Stephen Fry did different voices for different characters, which is the #1 thing I need in an audio book so I can tell who the heck is talking.  And his voices were so. funny.  The book constantly had me laughing out loud on the Metro - I'm sure I got some funny looks!  The rest of the series (which I now definitely want to listen to) is narrated by none other than Martin Freeman.  (Is he knighted? cuz I kinda want to call him Sir Martin Freeman.)  I could tell while listening to the book that Martin was absolutely perfect for playing the role of Arthur Dent in the movie (which I did see, but don't really remember; I do remember that it wasn't received terribly well by fans of the book).  So for him to narrate the rest of the book series is just so exciting!

Okay, so, let's go over the list one last time:

BOOKS FOR THE CHALLENGE

• A book published this year: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, JK Rowling 💖
• A book you can finish in a day: The Strange Library, Haruki Murakami 👍
• A book you've been meaning to read: Not Quite the Classics, Colin Mochrie 💖
• A book you should have read in school: Slaughterhouse Five, Kurt Vonnegut 💖
• A book chosen for you by your spouse etc: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams 💖
• A book published before you were born: Journey to the Center of the Earth, Jules Verne 👍
• A book that was banned at some point: Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov 👎
• A book you own but have never read: Haunting Experiences: Encounters with the Otherworldly, Michelle Belanger 👌
• A book that intimidates you: Lord of the Rings: the Fellowship of the Ring,  JRR Tolkein 👎
• A book you've already read at least once: The Book Thief, Markus Zusak 💖

SKIPPED CHALLENGES

• A book recommended by your local librarian or bookseller: skipped because I never got around to seeking recommendations (partly because I don't know them personally and I'm chicken to introduce myself)
• A book you previously abandoned: skipped because I have only ever abandoned books that bored me senseless, and I didn't want to hate the book I was reading

BOOKS THAT WEREN'T A PART OF THE CHALLENGE

• Bee Season, Maya Goldberg 👍
• Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, Susanna Clarke (audio book - not finished because the narrator was pretty boring and did NOT distinguish between character voices) 👌
• Magic Kingdom for Sale, Terry Brooks 👍
• The Black Unicorn, Terry Brooks (got about 1/3 through before the year ended) 👍

I decided to rate the books I read this year with a super professional and adult emoji method. 💖 means I loved the book and/or loved reading it; 👍 means I liked it a lot but didn't quite love it; 👌 means it was ok but I didn't quite like it a lot; 👎 means I did not like reading it but doesn't necessarily mean I think it's a bad book.  I did write up a blog post on most of these books, so if you're curious as to why I rated it a certain way, find it in my previous posts!  They're conveniently all tagged with "2016 reading challenge."

So, even though I only got 10/12 on the challenge (which is still a passing grade, hey!), I definitely enjoyed it!  I'm so glad I made the effort to read more in 2016.  I will be sure to stay in the habit for 2017!  Perhaps I'll challenge myself to read one book more than I did this year. :)

Thanksgiving 2016

I've seen a few memes floating around in the past day or two asking how we can celebrate Thanksgiving when the DAPL protestors are being sprayed with fire hoses in subfreezing temperatures, and treated as rioters when they're protesting peacefully.

Honestly, I think we need Thanksgiving this year more than ever.

No, I don't buy into the story of the First Thanksgiving that I learned about in elementary school.  I'm not saying that this Thanksgiving, Native Americans should "just get over it" and celebrate what they do have like the rest of us.  Because that is bullshit.

But here's a small history lesson for you: Abraham Lincoln declared Thanksgiving to be a national holiday as we know it, celebrated on the last Thursday of November, in 1863.  It was a desperate attempt to unite the nation in the middle of the Civil War.  Part of his Thanksgiving proclamation read:

"I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility and Union."

Notice that there isn't any garbage in there about celebrating how nice the Natives were to the Pilgrims.  It's honestly mainly religious, thanking and praising God for what we have and asking him to heal the warring nation.  But even if you take out the religious aspect, Lincoln's proclamation essentially says "Let us as a nation be thankful for what we have, let us be united, and let us as a nation heal from the atrocity of war."

This is what I choose to celebrate this year.  A day of peace, love, and unity, as laid out by Abraham Lincoln.  This is what we should all celebrate as a nation, every day of every year.

I've seen 143/270 movies!

I originally filled this out in 2009.  It popped up in my Timehop the other day, and I thought, wow, I've seen a lot more of these movies, so I figured I'd fill it out again!  But it was too long for a Facebook status, and Notes aren't really a thing any more (or at least, I don't know how to make a new one), so on the blog it goes.  Movies I've seen sine 2009 are in red!

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 films, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are over 270 films on this list. Copy this list, go to your own facebook account, paste this as a note. Then, put x's next to the films you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the bottom. Have fun!

(x ) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
( ) Grease 2
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
(x ) Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End
(x) Boondock Saints
( x) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(x ) Blazing Saddles

Total so far: 7 8

( ) The Neverending Story
() The Neverending Story II
() The Neverending Story III
(x) Airplane
(x) The Princess Bride
( ) Willow
( x) Anchorman
( ) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Labyrinth

Total so far:10 12

( ) Saw
() Saw II
() Saw III
() Saw IV
() Saw V
() White Noise
() White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates

Total so far:10 14

(x)The Princess Diaries
(x)The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
(x ) Scream
( x) Scream 2
(x ) Scream 3
(x) I Know What You Did Last Summer
( ) I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
(x) The Shining
( ) Candyman
(x) Stand By Me

Total so far: 14 22

(x ) Scary Movie
( x) Scary Movie 2
(x) Scary Movie 3
(x ) Scary Movie 4
() Resident Evil 1
() Resident Evil 2
(x ) American Pie
(x ) American Pie 2
( x) American Wedding
(x ) American Pie Band Camp

Total so far:15 30

(x) Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
(x) Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
(x) Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
(x) Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
(x) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
( x)The Wedding Singer
(x) Little Black Book
(x)The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch
(x) Finding Nemo

Total so far:24 40

(x) Finding Neverland
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
(x ) Butterfly Effect
(x) 13 Going on 30
(x) I, Robot
() Robots

Total so far:29 46

(x) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
() Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
( ) King Pin
() Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
() Eight Crazy Nights

Total so far:30 51

() Joe Dirt
(x) King Kong
(x) A Cinderella Story
()The Terminal
() The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
(x ) Dumber & Dumberer
(x) Halloween
() Surviving X-MAS

Total so far: 33 56

( ) Final Destination
( )Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
(x) The Ring
( )The Ring 2
(x) Flubber
( x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
() Practical Magic (but this one's on my Netflix watch list!)
(x) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship

Total so far: 35 60

(x) From Hell
(x ) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
(x ) The Whole Nine Yards
() The Whole Ten Yards
(x) The Day After Tomorrow
() Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( )Bride of Chucky

Total so far:37 64

(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
(x) Gothika
( x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
() The Grudge
() The Grudge 2
() The Mask
() Son Of The Mask

Total so far:39 68

( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
() Lucky Number Slevin
(x) Ocean's Eleven
( ) Ocean's Twelve
( ) Ocean's Thirteen
(x) Bourne Identity
(x )Bourne Supremacy
(x) Bourne Ultimatum

Total so far:39 72

(x) Sixteen Candles
( ) Pretty in Pink
() Lone Star
( x) Bedazzled
(x) Predator I
() Predator II
() The Fog
(X) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George

Total so far: 42 77

(x) Independence Day
() Cujo
() A Bronx Tale
() Darkness Falls
() Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
() My Boss's Daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
() War of the Worlds

Total so far: 44 79

(x) Rush Hour
(x) Rush Hour 2
(x) Rush Hour 3
() Best Bet
() How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
(x) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
() Event Horizon

Total so far: 45 83

(x) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
() Big Trouble in Little China
(x )The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3
(x) X-Men
(x) X-2
(x) X-Men:The Last Stand

Total so far: 50 92

(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Spider-Man 3
(x) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
() Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
() Reign of Fire

Total so far: 55 99

() The Skulls
(x) Cruel Intentions
() Cruel Intentions 2
() The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
(x) Shrek the Third
() Swimfan
() Miracle on 34th street
()Old School

Total so far:60 103

() The Notebook
() K-Pax
() Krippendorf's Tribe
() A Walk to Remember
() Ice Castles
() Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old Virgin
(x) The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x) The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x) The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

Total so far: 63 107

(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
(x) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
() Basketball
() Hostel
() Waiting for Guffman
() House of 1000 Corpses
() Devils Rejects
(x) Elf

Total so far: 68 112

() Highlander
() Mothman Prophecies
() American History X
() Three
() The Jacket
(x) Kung Fu Hustle
(x) Shaolin Soccer
() Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
( ) Titanic

Total so far: 69 (ha.) 115

(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x) Shaun Of the Dead
() Willard
() HighTension
() Club Dread
(x) Hulk
( x) Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
( ) Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Total so far: 73 121

(x) 28 days later
() Orgazmo
() Phantasm
() Waterworld
(x) Kill Bill vol 1
(x) Kill Bill vol 2
() Mortal Kombat
() Wolf Creek
() Kingdom of Heaven
() The Hills Have Eyes

Total so far: 73 124

() I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
() The Last House on the Left
(x)Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x ) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
() Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
() Ewoks The Battle For Endor

Total so far:78 130

() Re-Animator
() Army of Darkness
(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
() Animatrix
(x) Evil Dead
(x) Evil Dead 2
(x) Team America: World Police
() Ghosttown

Total so far: 79 136

() Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
( ) Hannibal
(x) Wall-E
(x) Batman Begins
(x) The Dark Knight
(x) The Prestige
(x) Cars
( ) Gone With The Wind
(x ) Top Gun

Total seen:83 143

I've seen 143/270 movies.  Personally, I don't consider that as having no life!  I love movies.  I consider it personal growth that I've almost doubled the number of moves that I've seen from this list!  Plus, some of these movies have sequels by now, and I've seen those, too. :)

Now put "I've seen "xxx"out of 270 movies" in the subject line (filling in your total in the blank), repost it, and tag some of your friends (including the person who tagged you) to see what they say.